


I'll Hold Your Hand Through It All

by Elle0555



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Character Death, Emotional, Heartbreak, M/M, Major Illness, Sad, unexpected
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-25 18:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4971376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elle0555/pseuds/Elle0555
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron finds out he's ill and Robert cares for him. Ups and downs along the way as well as Robert and Aaron coming to terms with everything and what may happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really wasn't sure about posting this but here it is. This chapter is light compared to the next few which get pretty emotionally heavy. So i'm not sure whether to carry on with it. So hearing your feedback would help me a great deal.

Aaron woke up and glanced over at the bedside clock that read 4:32am, before he had a chance to sit up a coughing fit took over his body which thankfully didn't wake Robert who was snoring lightly next to him with his arm still thrown over Aaron's body. 

Aaron hadn't been feeling well for a few weeks now, he put it down to stress at work, but he was starting to think he was catching a cold or something. He hated being ill, he wasn't a good patient and didn't like people fussing over him, which was what Robert always did when he was sick. Robert went way over the top in caring for Aaron, he wouldn't leave the younger man alone and Aaron appreciated it to some extent but in the end Robert always wound him up and annoyed him, It's not that Aaron wasn't grateful he just didn't know how to accept it, he always looked after himself and now He had Robert it was still hard trying to adjust to letting someone other than himself take care of him.

Taking a deep breath Aaron felt bile rise in his throat And immediately knew he was going to be sick, he made a run for the bathroom getting there just in time to hurl into the toilet and empty the contents of his stomach. 

Aaron sat Hugging the toilet bowl for a few minutes as he again began to cough with a force that made his chest start to ache, the sound causing Robert to wake up and stroll into the bathroom placing a hand on Aaron's shoulder as the younger man again threw up. 

“You ok?” Robert said groggily as he felt Aaron's forehead to notice he had a temperature. 

Aaron raised his head after he finished his latest bout of hurling to look at Robert. “Ugh, I feel like shit.” 

Turning around Robert filled a glass with cold water from the tap before returning to Aaron and kneeling down next to him. “Small gulps yeah.” 

Aaron took the glass from Robert nodding his head lightly as he took a sip of water, placing it down on the floor next to him shortly after. 

“Maybe you should get checked out.”

“I'm fine Robert probably just a cold or something.” 

Robert stood up and helped Aaron to his feet, taking the glass of water from the floor and dragging Aaron along back to the bedroom to put him back into bed before he returned to the bathroom to clean up the mess.

Later that morning Robert sat at the kitchen table with a coffee in hand flicking through the paper as Aaron made himself known looking worse for wear wrapped in the duvet from their bed.

Closing the paper, Robert sat forward in his chair and took in Aaron's appearance, for a while now he had noticed Aaron didn't look right, his eyes weren't that same ocean blue along with the sickly look he constantly had these days, it was starting to worry Robert enough for him to keep nagging at Aaron to go get checked out but the younger man never listened and Robert couldn't drag him there against his will as much as he'd like to. 

“Look Aaron, please just go to the doctors you've been like this for weeks now.” Robert said as he stood up and reached for Aaron's waist, pushing him slightly against the kitchen counter.

“Will you stop going on Robert, I'm fine, honestly.” 

Closing his arms around Roberts neck Aaron secured the duvet around the two of them. 

It was true Aaron had been steadily getting worse instead of better, he felt weak and tired most of the time, getting through a whole day at work would knacker him enough to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow each night, he was never one to just close his eyes and sleep, but lately that's exactly what he'd been doing and however long he had at night it was never enough and he’d still feel drained the next morning before he even managed to get out of bed. 

“Just promise me then if you're not better in a few days you'll go get checked out.” 

Nodding his head Aaron looked up at Robert “Fine if it'll shut you up.” 

Robert smiled and pinched Aaron's sides before he moved closer and placed his lips to Aaron's who happily accepted by forcing his tongue into the older man's mouth moaning loudly as Robert deepened the kiss. 

A few days later and true to his word Aaron was sat in the doctors waiting room. He hated the fact that Robert could make him do things almost as much as he hated the fact that Robert may have a point. Aaron knew deep down he didn't just have a cold it was something worse than that, call it a gut feeling or whatever, but Aaron was starting to worry there was something seriously wrong with him. His cough was persistently getting worse and he started to realise he'd get breathless at the slightest of tasks along with the sickness and general feeling of being unwell he had no choice but to finally get checked out and put his mind at rest at least that's what he hoped.

As his name flashed on the screen and told him what room to go to Aaron got up and walked in the direction of the doctor's office feeling nervous and now only wishing Robert was with him, he always hated the doctors and hospitals it brought back bad memories he'd rather forget. Pushing his fears to the back of his mind, he entered the doctor's office and sat down as the doctor greeted him. 

Half an hour later and Aaron was stood outside. After the doctor examined him, he decided to book Aaron in for a blood test and a chest X-ray to rule out anything serious. Aaron started to worry, he could see the doctor was hiding something from him and he didn't like it one bit. When Aaron asked what was wrong with him the doctor hesitated slightly only telling him it could range from a chest infection to something worse but not to worry until they knew more. It didn't stop the panic rising though, but he needed to keep calm if only For Robert's sake, he wasn't going to tell the older man anything until Aaron Knew for sure what he was dealing with. 

Robert walked through the door later that night, dropping his key in the bowl on the table and throwing his coat over the back of the sofa. 

“Aaron, You here.” He shouted as he entered the kitchen to find Aaron stirring something on the stove.

“Hi.” Aaron smiled as he leant over to give Robert a chaste kiss. 

“So did you go to the doctors?” 

Opening the fridge Robert grabbed two beers and passed one to Aaron as he opened his own and went to sit at the kitchen table watching Aaron as he took a swig. 

“Yeah, just the start of a cold.” Aaron lied and hoped Robert couldn’t see through him. 

Aaron turned around to face Robert who looked relieved. Which only made Aaron feel guilty that he wasn’t being completely honest with the older man. 

A week later and Aaron was waiting for his test results from the hospital. It was constantly on his mind that something was wrong. He still felt ill and continuing to lie to Robert was starting to get harder. He needed to distract himself from waiting and wondering the worst, They’d call when they had the results so Aaron kept his phone on him at all times but as much as he willed it to ring it never would. Like they say a watched pot never boils and Aaron was starting to realise how annoyingly true that really was. 

He met Robert in the pub for a drink after work, They were sitting in the corner booth flirting openly with each other and chatting about anything and everything. Aaron downed the remains of his pint and signalled to Robert for another before getting up and heading towards the bar leaving Robert sitting on his own. 

Robert sat watching Aaron and couldn’t help notice he looked troubled, like his mind was miles away. Putting it down to stress Robert shook the thought from his head and returned his eyes to his boyfriend as he heard a phone ring close by. 

Peering down at the table, he found Aaron’s phone ringing and picked it up to find he didn’t recognize the number on the screen, Robert decided to answer anyway, but the caller on the other end wouldn’t speak to anyone other than Aaron only telling Robert it was the hospital and that Aaron should call back immediately. Hanging up Robert sat in a daze as thoughts flew through his head. 

Minutes later, Aaron returned to their table with two pints in hand and sat down opposite Robert, Who looked at him with confusion on his face. 

“I answered your phone.” Robert said as he took a gulp of his drink and pierced his eyes at Aaron.

Aaron sat up straight, instantly knowing who the phone call came from. 

“I was going to tell you Robert, I just wanted to know more before I did.” 

“So tell me now then what’s going on Aaron?” Shaking his head Robert leaned in closer.

Swallowing hard Aaron had no choice but to come clean to Robert. “Not here. Let’s go home.” 

Before they barely got through the door, Robert was asking questions Aaron knew Robert needed the answers to.

Sitting down on the sofa Aaron waited till Robert sat next to him before he opened his mouth. 

“It wasn’t a cold. I had to go for an x-ray and a blood test.” 

Robert again stood up and started pacing the living room. “Why didn’t you tell me Aaron?”

Aaron tried to reach out to Robert but the older man shrugged him off. 

“I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it Robert, I knew you would worry.” Aaron replied as he gave up trying to calm Robert down and returned to his place on the sofa. 

“You need to ring the hospital back Aaron.” Robert muttered with fear clearly visible in his voice. 

Aaron nodded and reached into his back pocket for his phone. Taking a deep breath, he nervously found the number and pressed call. Robert immediately went to sit next to the younger man and took Aaron’s hand in his own as they both looked at each other not quite sure what the call would result in. 

Tbc?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you so much for your kind comments and kudos they mean a lot.   
> I decided against posting the chapter i had instead re writing it so it wasn't as emotional as the original.

Aaron hung up the phone in a daze and sat back into the cushions of the sofa staring into space. He still had hold of Robert’s hand but barely registered the older man sitting next to him. He was in too much shock to open his mouth and speak. He knew his gut feeling was right and all he wanted to do now was run and hide and not face what could possibly be a life changing diagnosis. 

Robert squeezed Aaron’s hand tightly to try and get a reaction, but his boyfriend was in a world of his own and Robert was starting to freak out. He knew what the doctor had just told Aaron wasn’t good news Aaron’s face told him that. Robert needed more than anything to hear it himself. Nudging Aaron the older man moved closer. 

“Aaron.”

The younger man not answering caused Robert to remove his hand from Aaron’s and grab his face so he was looking at him. 

“Aaron, Talk to me.” 

Aaron registered Robert’s voice talking to him and as he looked up, he saw Robert’s eyes almost pleading to let him know what was happening. 

“They want me to go back in.” Aaron barely whispered.

Robert swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. 

“Ok we’ll go together then.” 

Aaron nodded his head slightly and sat in silence, not quite sure what to say. He could tell as hard as Robert was trying the older man was feeling the same as him. What do you say in these types of situations? Aaron didn’t know he couldn’t focus on anything. He was just relieved his appointment was tomorrow morning. He couldn’t handle waiting around, but then again, it just made him all the more aware that being seen that quickly was never a good sign. 

“Right listen.” Robert shuffled closer to Aaron. “Let’s not stress over this. It could be nothing.” 

“It could be something though Robert and then what?”

“Well, we won’t know for sure until we go to the hospital so don’t think like that.” Robert replied as normally as possible.

Aaron threw himself into Robert’s arms suddenly feeling the need to be close to the older man. Grabbing Robert’s shirt in his fists Aaron breathed in Robert’s scent which somehow always managed to calm him down.  
“I love you.” Aaron muttered against Robert’s neck.

The words caused Robert’s chest to clinch but he pushed the feeling aside and placed an open mouthed kiss to Aaron’s neck before replying to him. 

“I love you too.” Robert pulled back and ran a hand down Aaron’s cheek. “It’s gonna be alright.” He said to the younger man while nodding his head and trying desperately to believe his own words. 

The next day and they both sat in the hospital waiting room quietly. With Aaron bouncing his leg rapidly up and down and Robert trying, but silently failing to stay calm for the both of them. Robert knew it wasn’t good news, He knew by the time they left the hospital, they’d be dealing with something much bigger and scarier than they were both prepared for. 

Aaron was called and Robert took his hand squeezing gently. “Whatever happens we’ll get through it together.”

“You promise Robert?” Aaron replied nervously.

Robert nodded and kissed Aaron on the head. “I promise.” 

“Take a seat, Mr Livesy. I see you brought someone with you.” The doctor looked at Robert before he introduced himself. 

Extending a hand Robert replied. “I’m Aaron’s partner Robert.” 

The doctor nodded before reaching for his files and shortly after returning his attention to the two of them. “Ok, well I’ve called you back in because when I received the chest X-ray I noticed something out of the ordinary.”

Aaron gulped hard as Robert placed his hand on the younger man’s leg. 

“So what does that mean?” Robert asked.

“Your X-ray showed There’s an abnormal mass on the left lung.” 

Standing up the doctor placed Aaron’s x-rays on the board and pointed to the area he was referring to. 

Aaron refused to look, Instead, simply asking his next question. “What is it?” 

Sitting back down the doctor looked at Aaron sympathetically. “I'm sorry, Mr Livesy it’s cancer of the lung, but we won’t know more until we send you for a C.T scan.” 

After Aaron heard the word Cancer he zoned out completely. He wanted nothing more than to believe this was a dream and that he’d wake up in a minute. But it wasn’t and it was happening right in front of his eyes. He was ill and he didn’t need no C.T scan to confirm that. Aaron felt a hand drag him from his seat and before he knew it, they were in Robert’s car and on their way back to the village. It was silent between the two of them the only thoughts filling his head were ones of him not being around for Robert, Not growing old with the love of his life, dying before he had the chance to do everything he’s always wanted to do. 

Aaron was shaken from his thoughts when Robert nudged his side gently. Looking around they were back in the village and outside their house. Aaron opened the passenger’s door and got out of the car just as Robert did the same. 

“We need some milk I’ll be two minutes.” Robert muttered to a distant Aaron, who just nodded his head before disappearing inside their house. 

Walking down the road Robert bypassed the shop and turned the corner so he was out of sight before he felt tears swim in his eyes and a strong urge to throw up. He’d been strong at the hospital, he’d stayed as calm as he could, Showing Aaron his vulnerability wasn’t fair when he wasn’t even the one going through it. But now on his own he had the chance to think over everything the doctor said and what this could mean for the two of them. 

He wasn’t the strong one that was Aaron. Aaron was the one who held the two of them together. 

Robert leaned against the brick wall and contemplated his life without Aaron in it. A life where he wouldn’t see his face or hear his voice. A life where Robert was alone without the man he loved by his side first thing in the morning or last thing late at night. A life where Aaron would only ever be a memory. 

Robert lurched forward and threw up on the concrete. With tears streaming down his face, he broke down, hitting the wall repeatedly to feel something. Anything other than the pain he was currently feeling. The gut wrenching pain that tore him apart. He knew he had no right to be so selfish, Aaron was the one who deserved that, Aaron was the one who needed him to stay strong now. All that mattered was getting Aaron healthy again, He couldn’t afford to think otherwise, He wouldn’t let that happen, Aaron would beat Cancer, Robert wouldn’t let cancer win and take the love of his life away.   
Tbc?


	3. Chapter 3

2 weeks later and Aaron had received his C.T scan results, confirming of course what he already knew. The news didn’t register with him. He didn’t even stick around long enough to finish the consultation with the doctor, All Aaron did after officially getting diagnosed with lung cancer was nod his head and bolt for the door leaving Robert alone in the hospital without so much as a goodbye. 

Aaron didn’t want to believe it, He didn’t even feel ill enough to have the big C. To some extent he knew he didn’t feel 100%, but the diagnosis of cancer was the last thing he expected was wrong with him. Soon he’d be the one going through treatment and being talked about in the village by idol gossips. He’d get the sympathy and the caring voice of people he hardly interacted with. 

Robert pushed open the portacabin door and walked towards where Aaron was sitting at his desk. He took a seat on the edge and looked into Aaron’s tired eyes. “You shouldn’t be here.” He said as he tapped the files Aaron was working on to try and gain his attention.

Aaron stopped what he was doing and glared up to Robert with an annoyed expression covering his features. “What do you want me to do? Sit at home all day feeling sorry for myself?” Aaron replied, louder than was probably necessary. 

“No, that’s not what I'm saying, We need to talk about what happens next Aaron.” 

Aaron shook his head as he rose from his seat. “I’ll slowly die Robert, That’s what happens next.” The younger man muttered as he barged past Robert.

“Don’t.” Robert shouted with anger lacing his voice. 

“Why not? It’s more than likely. I don’t fancy my odds do you?” 

Turning around Robert tugged Aaron’s arm with force as he stopped in front of him. “Stop talking like that. Why are giving up?” 

Flailing his arms, Aaron then removed himself from Robert’s grip. “Just leave it Robert. Just go.”

Before Robert could reply the portacabin door swung open, revealing Adam with Victoria traipsing behind him. As Aaron acknowledged his best mates his face tensed up before shooting a look Robert’s way as if trying to tell him to keep quiet. The older man caught on and shook his head at Aaron with a slight scowl on his face. They hadn’t decided when they’d tell everyone about Aaron being ill, He’d hardly got to grips with it himself. Robert knew they’d have to tell people sooner rather than later though, but getting Aaron to actually talk about it for long enough was a challenge in itself. 

Robert wasn’t in any kind of mood for small talk or pleasantries so he made his excuses and left the office shortly after. Only briefly turning his head back to catch Aaron’s eye and check if the younger man was ok. 

Later that night Robert was in the living room when he heard the front door open before being slammed and heavy footsteps ascending the stairs. Jumping to his feet Robert climbed the stairs quickly to find Aaron hunched over the toilet bowl again throwing up. Standing behind hiss boyfriend Robert rubbed his back in a soothing manner until Aaron stopped being sick and peered up at Robert with tear stained eyes.

It broke the older man to see Aaron in such a vulnerable state. To witness the fear Aaron had in his eyes. The image made Robert’s heart drop, It was only going to get worse from here on out and Robert knew as much as he portrayed it he wasn’t prepared in the slightest.

Pulling Aaron up from the floor gently Robert noticed how weak Aaron was, He noticed how fragile Aaron had suddenly became in a short amount of time and it terrified him. Placing an arm around Aaron’s waist, he led him to their bedroom with Aaron’s head resting against Robert’s neck. 

Robert sat Aaron on the bed and removed his shoes one at a time before swinging his legs around and covering Aaron up with the duvet for Robert to find the younger man was already fast asleep. Sitting on the bed next to him Robert watched Aaron sleep quietly. Stroking a hand through Aaron’s hair and tucking the duvet in before leaving the room to clear the bathroom up. 

When Robert entered the bathroom and found the bleach he moved to the toilet and unscrewed the cap of the disinfectant. But as his eyes travelled downwards, he saw streaks of what must have been blood in the toilet bowl. Robert grabbed onto the wall and took a deep breathe as tears pricked his eyes. It was becoming all too real at how sick Aaron truly was. Composing himself slowly Robert busied himself cleaning up to stop the thoughts threatening to enter his mind of something he had no control over happening.

Aaron awoke a few hours later to an empty bed and confusion as to how he got there in the first place. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he slowly sat up and that's when it all came flooding back to him, reality shattered the first few moments of his awoken state until he suddenly remembered but was even more surprised he could ever forget for a few seconds the 6 letter word that would more than likely kill him. 

He forced himself out of the bed on shaky legs taking the stairs one at a time in search for Robert whom he eventually found sitting on the steps staring into space in the back garden as the sun was setting. 

Aaron Wandered over to where Robert was sitting before lowering himself to Seattle next to the older man who jumped slightly when he felt Aaron's arm graze against his own. 

“How you feeling?” Robert nudged Aaron's shoulder lightly.

“Been better.” 

Aaron focused his eyes on the sun disappearing to make way for nightfall. 

“We need to.” Before Robert could finish Aaron butted in. 

“I know.” He nodded. 

Robert shuffled his body so he was facing Aaron.

“You need to accept it Aaron, as hard as it is to think about you're ill and you can't push it aside, it's not going away.” 

Aaron bit his lip as a single tear ran down his cheek, causing Robert to reach out and wipe it away before it had a chance to fall. 

“I can't say it out loud because when I do, I can't take it back and it becomes real.” 

Robert cupped the back of Aaron's neck, rubbing the pad of his thumb in circular motions across Aaron's skin.  
“It's already real.” Robert gulped hard. “I need to hear you say it Aaron. It's alright to be scared.” 

Aaron looked into Robert’s eyes as he reached for the older man's hand and squeezing it tight. He knew he had to say it, he had to acknowledge he was ill, he had to accept that he may not get through it, he didn't know the likelihood he had until his appointment to discuss options only then would he fully understand how high or low his chances would be. 

The words were stuck at the back of his throat. Saying them would change everything but he knew he had no choice but to vocalise it, to maybe get a better understanding of it.

With sobs threatening to escape Aaron needed to get it out before he became uncontrollable.

“I've got.” Aaron stuttered as his voice cracked.

Robert own tears were now freely escaping his eyes as he looked at Him and nodded for Aaron to continue. 

“I've got cancer.” He barely whispered before Robert leapt forward and secured his arms around Aaron as the younger man sobbed into Roberts shirt, letting Aaron bawl Robert held him tight resting his chin on Aaron's shoulder as they both cried together. 

Minutes passed and Aaron finally pulled away from Robert's embrace. 

“We'll get through this, your beat this Aaron, I'm with you every step of the way.” Robert said quietly.

Aaron inched closer and connected his lips with Robert's, moving his hands to rest either side of the older man's face to deepen the kiss before leaning back and pressing their foreheads together.

“I'm scared Robert.” Aaron uttered as he closed his eyes.

Tilting Aaron's chin up to look at him Robert replied. “I know you are but I'm gonna look after you, I'm gonna hold your hand through it all. I promise you'll be alright.”

Nodding slowly Aaron smiled at Robert before getting up and holding a hand out to help Robert up onto his feet.  


“Time to tell my mum.”

Tbc?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you so much for taking the time to read and leave comments and kudos it means alot :)

The next day and Robert and Aaron were sat in the backroom of the pub waiting for Chas and Paddy. They both decided to tell thier family and friends in one go, Aaron didnt know if he could keep repeating himself otherwise. Victoria and Adam were sat on the sofa with Andy while Diane was boiling the kettle. the quiet in the room was unsettling to Aaron. Adam kept looking over at him with a weird expression on his face and Andy kept staring at Robert. when Chas and Paddy finally made themsleves known Aaron didnt know if he could break the news to his mum. Sensing his boyfriend's nerves Robert went to stand beside him and entangled their hands together as they looked at the six most important people in their lives and knew minutes from now things would never be the same. 

Chas sat on the edge of the sofa with her hands clapsed together. "What is this love?" 

Aaron didn't know whether to just come out with it, What was the point in dancing around the subject? For his mother's sake he needed to get the words out so she could start processing it herself.

Taking a seat at the table Aaron focused his eyes on his mother as Robert stood behind him with his hands placed supportively on his boyfriends shoulders squeezing lightly.

Adam sat forward on the sofa. “Seriously mate, what’s going on?”

Victoria chimed in next. “Oh my god are you getting married?” she beamed, but Robert quickly shut her down by shaking his head. 

Aaron turned his head to look back at Robert. “I can’t do this.” The younger man whispered so only Robert could hear him. 

The six of them sat in confusion as Robert and Aaron talked quietly amongst themselves. Aaron knew he couldn’t do it. One look at his mum and he’d fall apart on the spot, so they decided that Robert would be the one to tell them Aaron was ill. 

“We.. Aaron.” Looking around at their faces Robert found it harder than he thought it would, Knowing Aaron couldn’t do it, he had to be the one to break the news for him, to stay strong and hold Aaron together the best he could. 

“Pet you’re both starting to scare us. Just tell us what’s going on.” Diane said when the room fell silent again. 

“Aaron’s got.” Robert again stuttered. Causing Aaron to just blurt it out.

“I’ve got cancer.” He muttered so fast he wondered if they’d understood him. 

Chas’ face fall at Aaron’s admission. Paddy stood still on the spot behind her staring at Aaron while Diane and Vic burst out crying causing Chas to do the same as Adam and Andy sat with their mouths gaping wide.   
Robert pulled Aaron up from his chair and wrapped his arms around the younger man’s neck as he whispered into his ear how proud he was of Aaron before leaning back and planting a chaste kiss on Aaron’s lips as the people in the room sat in disbelief.

“You’re gonna be alright though mate?” Adam said as he broke the silence. 

Before Aaron got the chance to answer his best mate, Chas was on her feet and grabbing her son to comfort him in a hug which was what ultimately broke him. Chas rocked Aaron from side to side as his cries turned into sobs and hers did the same. 

Robert took a step back to give the two of them some space. Walking over to Victoria and reaching for her hand to tell her it’d be alright. If he was honest Robert was struggling. He’d seen Aaron cry more in the last two days than he ever has, and he couldn’t make it better. He could cuddle him and reassure him, but in the end he had no real idea what would happen. His brother sensed his mood and stood up before embracing him in a hug, which took Robert by surprise. All the older man wanted to do was scream and cry, Curse the universe for dealing Aaron such shitty cards. But he kept it together in front of his boyfriend, forced back the emotion that was bubbling to the surface, his priority was Aaron. His own feelings came second and they weren’t as important. If he wanted to vent he’d do it on his own and out of sight, he wouldn’t let Aaron see him fall apart when he needed him the most.

Sitting on the coffee table in front of Vic, Adam, Andy and Diane while Paddy joined Aaron and Chas Robert knew they had question’s that needed answering, but decided against asking, instead giving them some privacy and leaving them to it.

Paddy sat at the table with Aaron and Chas who was holding her son’s hand. 

“What type of cancer is it?” Paddy asked quietly while looking anywhere but at Aaron’s eyes.

Robert joined the three of them after his family left. Sitting down next to Aaron and taking his other hand in his own.

“It’s lung cancer.” Aaron replied as he looked at Robert, Suddenly needing to see his face for reassurance.   
With that Paddy made his excuses and hugged Aaron before rushing out with tears in his eyes. Aaron understood how it must be for the man that’s practically been more of a father to him than his biological one ever has. He was starting to realise that maybe telling them all separately would have been a better idea. But it was out there now and he was just relieved they knew. 

Aaron turned to his mom and smiled a small smile her way. “It’s alright mum.” He nodded his head as she continued to cry.

“No, no it’s not alright Aaron. It should be me, not you. Not my son.” Chas barely got out through persistent tears. 

“Please don’t cry mum. I’ve got all of you it’ll be ok. We don’t even know what I’m dealing with until the follow up appointment in a few days.” Aaron released his hand from Robert’s and wiped his tear stained eyes.

“I’m sorry love. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m gonna be at every hospital appointment with you. I won't leave your side you’re going to get through this because you’re strong and you’re a fighter.” Chas said as she got up and again took Aaron in her arms, but this time motioning Robert to join them.

After a few hours of talking to his mum Aaron grew tired so Robert decided to take him home and for both of them to get an early night. Lying on his side facing his boyfriend Aaron felt his eyes get heavy. Robert had his hand on Aaron’s face and was staring into his eyes quietly. With the younger man staring back. Aaron then realised with everything that had happened lately he never once asked Robert how he was feeling. It never crossed his mind and for that he felt guilty. 

“You ok?” Robert whispered to Aaron, who seemed in a world of his own. 

“I was just gonna ask you that. I’m sorry I haven’t already.” Aaron replied.

Shaking his head Robert sat up slightly. “Don’t be sorry Aaron.” Leaning over Robert hovered above Aaron.

The younger man lifted his head off the pillow and connected his lips with Robert’s, He was tired but was well aware of how much he wanted Robert in the moment. They’d gone a few days without any form of sex and it wasn’t like them in the slightest. Usually they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. 

Aaron lowered his hand to palm Robert’s growing erection to receive a slight moan in return. “ We don’t have to, you know.” 

Pulling Robert by the scruff of his T-shirt Aaron whispered into the older man’s mouth. “I want to. You gonna deny a sick man of what he wants.” 

“I would never deny you anything.” Robert whispered back as his lips found Aaron’s neck before peppering open mouth kisses along the skin. 

Robert slid his boxers down as Aaron lifted his hips so the older man could do the same to his. Reaching between the two of them Aaron once again found Robert’s length and started stroking as Robert moaned loudly. “Oh god Aaron don’t stop that.” 

Rolling over onto his side Robert reached for Aaron’s cock and starting jerking in fast movements causing Aaron to throw his head back into the pillow As Robert slowed painfully down and then speeded up again.   
A few minutes later and they came together with a loud grunt from Robert while Aaron buried his face into the older man’s neck and bit Robert’s shoulder as he shot his load. 

Once cleaned up they both got back into bed and Robert watched as Aaron started to drift off to sleep. He noticed Aaron’s heavy breathing, but prayed it was to do with what just happened rather than anything else. Robert found himself staring at Aaron for an hour or so just watching the rise and fall of his chest until he himself felt sleep take over his body and drifting hopefully into a dreamless state. 

Tbc?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter 5 onward's is only gonna get harder for Aaron and Robert as Aaron starts treatment.


	5. Chapter 5

Aaron sat in the consultant's office with Robert holding his hand. They’d just been told Aaron had stage 3 cancer and after talking through his options the best way to start treatment was with a combination of chemotherapy and radiation therapy. The cancer had spread more than the doctor first thought and it was now affecting his lymph nodes so they were unable for surgery to be their first option anymore. The idea was to shrink the cancer as much as possible and only then could surgery be an option again. 

Throughout the appointment Robert sat quietly while listening carefully to everything they had to say. He tried to keep focus while blocking out thoughts of what might happen. Robert had never expected it to be stage 3 cancer, after stupidly googling lung cancer and the stages Robert knew stage 3 was in the later stages of illness. The survival rate was a lot smaller than earlier stages and the cancer was more aggressive. He knew now it was a huge mistake, searching the internet, it only made him doubt and fear for the worst.

When the doctor returned with some information and leaflets he handed them to Aaron and told both of them to read the leaflets and only the leaflets to prepare Aaron for what was to come. Shortly afterwards and with Aaron’s first round of chemotherapy confirmed for a few days time they were in the car and on their way back home to tell Chas what would happen next. 

Walking into the pub Chas’ face immediately tensed when she spotted Aaron’s and motioned for him and Robert to join her in the back room. Before Chas even had a chance to flick the kettle on Aaron was hot on her heels and telling her to sit down. 

“We’ve just come from the hospital and it’s worse than they first thought.” Aaron muttered as he hovered between his seated Mother and Robert who was leaning against the wall. 

Looking her son’s way Chas’ face dropped at his admission. “Wha.. What do you mean worse? How much worse love?”

Aaron looked At Robert who in seconds got the hint and took his boyfriend's place. “The cancer’s more advanced than first thought.” 

“But it’s still treatable, Robert tell me it’s still treatable right? Chas’s voice shrieked within the room. 

Aaron ran from the back room as Chas started crying. She immediately stood and went to go after her son for Robert to stop her by pulling her backwards. “Just let him have a minute on his own.” 

All Robert wanted to do was mimic Chas’ actions and run after his boyfriend, But Aaron needed space right now after being bombarded for the last few days. He needed time to process what was happening.   
“Is he gonna survive this Robert?” 

Sitting on the edge of the sofa Robert wished he knew the answer to her question. He wished he could say yes and be done with it, but he had no clue. “I..I don’t know we just gotta take one day at a time and see where he is after the first round of chemo.” 

Wiping her face free of tears Chas stood up and strode towards Robert before holding her arms out and waiting for Robert to embrace her. It was unusual and a little weird for Robert to see his boyfriends mother this way. She tolerated him these days, but that’s as far as it went. Until now when she seemed to acknowledge his existence, Robert appreciated it, but was a little disheartened that it took a life changing illness to get them to this place.

Aaron stood staring out across the village before he continued walking. He never had a place in mind and without really knowing why he found himself outside the barn almost reminiscing in a way. Looking back, he never realized how easy he had it, It was hard with Robert he knew that, but the barn always brought Aaron nothing but happy memories of a time in their relationship when they were only secret lovers at the most. And now as he stood there everything had changed some things for the better and others for the worst. Robert was the best to come out of all of it. Aaron knew cancer was by far the worst not even an illicit affair with a married man who repeatedly hurt him and his family came close to the death sentence he was currently facing.

“There you are.” 

Aaron was startled by a voice from behind him. 

“How do you always manage to find me Robert?” Aaron said as he turned around to face the older man. 

Shrugging his shoulders Robert replied. “Cause I know you Aaron besides, I already tried the scrap yard and home.” 

Robert stalked forwards and reached for the younger man’s waist as he kissed Aaron’s neck. 

“I just kept walking and ended up here.” Aaron muttered as he secured his arms around Robert’s back.

“Well, what are waiting for then?” Pulling Aaron by the hand Robert led them into the abandoned barn.

2 days later and Aaron was sitting in a hospital ward with other cancer patients just about to start his first chemotherapy session. It was a surreal sight to see so many people of all different ages go through the same thing as him. Looking around, he spotted an elderly man in the corner hooked up with drips reading a book while receiving his chemo. There was a young girl who must have been a few years younger than himself talking to who Aaron presumed was her mum and a few others here and there with one thing all in common. It made him feel less alone, Knowing he wasn’t the only one made Aaron feel a lot calmer than he had been since getting diagnosed.

Robert pulled a chair up next to Aaron as the nurse put a drip in his hand and made sure he was comfortable before checking a few things and leaving them to it for a while. 

Aaron sat still for a little while as the drugs pumped into his veins. It wasn’t a relaxing ordeal to be in and Robert noticed the nerves radiating from Aaron. He tried talking to his boyfriend about anything he could think of just to get his mind off the current situation. They talked about the scrap yard and how Robert’s ten grand investment was only really for one thing. They talked about how hard it was getting to the place in their relationship they are in now. Robert tried to make him laugh with his feeble attempts at jokes, Which Aaron only found funny because of how badly Robert told them. Throughout it all Robert filled the silences and kept hold of Aaron’s free hand. It was tough but necessary and for the foreseeable future, it’s all Aaron’s life would consist of as long as it worked and Aaron got better nothing else mattered. So Robert would continue telling his lame jokes and talking about stuff that Aaron wanted to talk about. He'd sit there holding Aaron’s hand and squeezing gently. Robert would do all of it and so much more because this was Aaron, His Aaron and their was no way they’d go down without a fight. 

Tbc?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite some people's disliking of this i need to finish what i started.   
> Once again thank-you for your lovely comments and kudos it makes it all the more worth while. :)

It was a week or so of Aaron feeling pretty normal after his first chemotherapy session, granted He felt tired, but then he couldn’t remember the last time he didn’t. Work was a little harder to deal with especially the manual labor side of it. And half way through the day he began to feel his eyelids grow heavy and a slight unwell feeling reside in his body, but it was still bearable and a pleasant relief that the side effects of treatment were so far not as bad as what he’d read them to be. Adam had him working in the warmth of the office much to Aaron’s annoyance. He just wanted to feel useful and pull his weight the best he could, but his best friend was having none of it and after a few exchanged words that were bordering on the start on an argument Aaron gave in and let Adam take control. He knew it was probably Robert’s way of keeping an eye on him through Adam, but it just made Aaron all the more aware he was ill and his body couldn’t do the things they were supposed to be doing.

Sitting at his desk a few days later with Robert watching him intently from Adam’s chair that’s when Aaron felt it. The tickle in his throat and the oh so familiar feeling of nausea settling in his stomach. He knew it was too good to be true for him to skip most side effects. He wanted nothing more than to continue working and block it out, but as the day went on and Aaron grew weaker with a list of symptoms it was no good he had to admit defeat and go home where Robert would no doubt fuss over him for the next few days. 

Trudging through the door slowly Aaron felt worse than he ever did. It took all his energy just to get home in one piece. Walking into the living room Robert already had a bed made up on the sofa with a bucket on the floor and orange juice and tissues sat on the coffee table. Aaron couldn’t help smile at the effort his boyfriend had gone to. It was a thoughtful gesture. 

Robert came up behind the younger man and removed his coat as Aaron kicked his work boots off and slid into the ready-made bed on the sofa as Robert hovered over him and covered him up before placing a kiss to his temple and picking up Aaron’s boots off the floor to take them into the hall and hang his coat up on the coat rack. 

When Robert re-entered the living room Aaron was lying on his side and staring out of the window watching the villagers go about their everyday routine. To Robert’s dismay Aaron looked completely drained, His eyes were sunken and he looked frail like he’d aged years in just a few short weeks. Catching Aaron’s attention Robert sat on the far side of the sofa and placed the younger man’s feet on his lap before covering Aaron back up. 

“You should be at work Robert.” Aaron mumbled as he felt Robert’s hands stroke his clothed legs.

Peering over to Aaron the older man replied. “I’m looking after you Aaron, work can wait you’re more important than some business meeting with a bunch of stuck up idiots.” 

Aaron thought better than to argue with the older man. He was too tired to tell Robert he could look after himself. And even if he wasn’t he knew Robert wouldn’t listen anyway. 

“Your mum said she’d pop in later.” 

Rolling his eyes Aaron couldn’t think of anything worse than two people fussing over him he could barely tolerate Robert. Throwing his mum into the mix would certainly do more harm than good. “Great.” He forced a smile Robert’s way. 

Robert flicked the TV on and lowered the sound not wanting to disturb Aaron as he closed his eyes. From what Aaron could make out Robert was watching some cooking program where the woman was making some sort of pasta dish. He shuffled slightly to try and settle in a more comfortable position as he felt his head start to pound. Aaron just wanted to sleep and was so sure as soon as his head would hit the pillow he’d be out like a light, but that wasn’t the case and after half an hour of tossing and turning he gave up and blinked his eyes open as the cooking program was just ending. 

Looking across at the older man, Aaron couldn’t help the feelings swelling inside of him. He was more than thankful to Robert for being there for him and pulling him through when he wanted to give up before he even started. Aaron had questions for Robert he needed answers too, and although he knew it would be hard he needed to ask them. 

“Robert.” Aaron said with a raspy voice. 

Turning around Robert caught Aaron’s eyes. “Yeah?”

He swallowed hard before continuing. “If I don’t get through this. I need you to promise me something.” Before Aaron could carry on Robert removed himself from the sofa and began walking out of the room, To the sound of Aaron calling after him. 

Aaron wanted to go after him, but he felt too exhausted and weak, so he waited until Robert came back into the room and stood with his hands on his hips in front of him. 

“Don’t. I don’t wanna hear it Aaron it’s way too early to even be thinking like that.” 

Aaron sat forward and turned his body to face Robert who had tears in his eyes. “I just need to know you’ll be alright.” 

“No. I’m not talking about this.” Robert ran a hand through his hair as he looked past Aaron and focussed his attention on the wall behind him. 

“We need to talk about it sometime, you made me see that I have to face it.” 

Pacing the floor in front of Aaron the older man let his tears fall. “Not today. Please Aaron not now.” 

Unable to see Robert in the state he was in Aaron slowly raised himself from the sofa and stalked towards Robert before wrapping his arms around the older man and for the first time letting Robert be the one to show his emotions. 

Robert clung onto Aaron’s shirt with clenched fists and buried his head in the crook of Aaron’s neck as he cried.

“ Please Don’t leave me Aaron.” He got out through sobs against Aaron’s tear stained neck. 

Pulling Robert back to look at him Aaron placed his hands either side Of Robert’s face  
.   
“I’m gonna try my best not to I promise.” He whispered to Robert as he nodded his head.

Aaron gripped Robert tighter as the older man continued to cry. It wasn’t something Aaron was used to seeing. Robert was the one who stayed in control of everything. It pained Aaron to witness what it was doing to the older man and he kept it so well hidden. Aaron made a silent promise to fight as hard as he could to beat cancer not just for him but for Robert as well. 

Tbc?


	7. Chapter 7

Weeks later And Robert was sat in the back room of the pub after leaving Aaron at home with Chas. A few days had passed since Aaron’s second chemotherapy session and the younger man was now fully feeling the side effects to the treatment. Aaron had started to lose more weight and his hair was thinning due to the chemo drugs pumping through his body. Every day presented a new symptom for Aaron and as much he tried to remain strong it was starting to take its toll on him. 

Drumming his fingers on the kitchen table Robert looked up as Diane put a coffee down in front of him and took a seat. Muttering his thanks Robert clasped the hot mug in both hands, staring into the dark steaming liquid as he heard Diane speak. 

“You look tired pet.” Diane vocalised to a distant looking Robert.

Catching his step mother’s eye Robert replied. “I’ll be alright.” Sighing quietly to himself.

“Robert, I know you want to look after Aaron but you need to look after yourself as well you’re no use to him if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“I don’t know what to do Diane.” Robert returned his gaze to his coffee cup and fiddled with the handle. “I just wanna take it all away from him and I can't. I feel useless, I look at him and it kills me to see him so fragile and tired.” 

Reaching her hand across the table, Diane took her step son's hand and squeezed lightly as a sign of support. “You just being there is helping him pet.” 

“I can’t lose him Diane.” Robert sighed. “I just can’t.”

Diane stood up and walked the short distance to where Robert was seated before pulling him into an embrace and stroking his back as she heard him choke back a sob.

Walking through the front door an hour later Robert pocketed his keys and removed his jacket before entering the living room and finding Chas sat on the sofa staring at the TV with little to no interest. Robert cleared his throat and Chas tilted her head his way to acknowledge him. 

“How is he?” Robert said quietly.

“Oh, you know our Aaron as stubborn as ever.” She laughed slightly. “He wouldn’t even let me help him into bed. But I checked on him a while ago and he’s soundo.” 

Robert nodded and sat on the armchair opposite the sofa. “Thanks for being here Chas.”

“Robert, he’s my son I wouldn’t be anywhere else. I’m just glad he’s got you. I can see now more than ever how much you love him and I know I’ve been hard on you in the past, but I was just doing what I thought was right for my son. But now I know you’re it.” She smiled lightly.

Chas’ words made Robert warm to her. In the last few weeks they’d both started to get on a lot better, mainly due to Aaron’s illness, But he also felt a lot more at ease with her than he ever has, Chas’ dislike towards him was now one less thing to worry about and it made them stronger that they could work together to be there for Aaron.  
Robert stood and headed for the stairs. “I’m just gonna go check on him.” 

Entering the bedroom Robert immediately tensed as he looked at the younger man wrapped tightly in the duvet. Walking forward Robert noticed Aaron was lying on his side with his eyes half open shivering fiercely. Kneeling down besides the bed Robert raised his hand to check Aaron’s temperature and frowned when he felt the warmth of Aaron’s skin.

“Aaron.” Robert whispered, Stroking the younger man’s hair Robert positioned himself on the side of the bed. 

“Hmm.” Turning his head Aaron looked at Robert with a small grin etching at the corners of his mouth. 

“You’re shivering do you want me to get the spare duvet?” 

“I want you to keep me warm.” Aaron said with a hoarse voice. 

Robert stood up to remove his shoes before climbing carefully over Aaron and to his side of the bed, scooting under the duvet and pulling Aaron closer to him. When Robert started Rubbing the younger man’s back Aaron cuddled into him and closed his eyes as his head settled on Robert’s chest. 

“Any warmer?” Robert muttered against Aaron’s head as he placed a kiss in his hair trying not to pay too much attention to the thinning of the brunette. 

Robert got no response so presumed Aaron had drifted off to sleep. After ten minutes or so Aaron began to snore lightly as Robert still held him close, He could feel the leaner frame of Aaron in his arms and he didn’t like it one bit. 

It was only Aaron’s second chemo session and he already began to look different. He was more tired than before, Robert noticed Aaron was fragile. His eyes had dark rings around them, As well as being pale and sickly looking Aaron had also lost his sex drive not that Robert could blame him given what he was going through. As much as Robert hated the thought of it, he had to admit Aaron looked like a cancer patient and it would only continue to get worse from here on out. 

Sliding out of bed slowly so not to disturb his boyfriend Robert rose to his feet and stood up before covering Aaron up and leaving the room by tiptoeing quietly to the door. 

After taking the stairs two at a time Robert strolled into the living room to notice Chas still sat in the same place.   
“How is he?” She said as she spotted Robert. 

“He was shivering, but he’s gone back to sleep now.” Robert replied.

Chas and Robert talked for a while and the more time they spent together the easier it was starting to get for the two of them. Standing up Chas went to check if Aaron was still asleep or if he needed anything leaving Robert sat alone in the living room until the scream of his name had him bolting for the stairs faster than his feet could carry him, all that was on Robert’s mind was to get to Aaron as quickly as he could. The dread set in as he reached the landing before entering the bedroom and witnessing Chas leaning over Aaron with clear panic in her eyes. He didn’t know what was wrong, it was all happening so fast, but it shook Robert to the core seeing Aaron lying there not responding.

Pushing Chas out of the way Robert took her place and tried repeatedly to wake Aaron up by shaking his body and calling his name over and over. Robert knew the younger man wasn’t right earlier and now he felt guilty knowing he should of called a doctor. Aaron’s temperature had risen and feeling his body the younger man was still cold. Pulling Aaron forward into a seating position Robert saw his eyes flicker slightly before opening them and immediately beginning to struggle for breath. It was all Robert could take before lifting Aaron into his arms and telling Chas they needed to get him to a hospital and fast. Chas followed behind as Robert descended the stairs with Aaron still firmly in his arms. The younger man was now properly awake and still finding it hard to breathe. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Robert screamed at Chas to open the door and grab his car keys in fear an ambulance would take too long. 

“Rob… Robert I can’t breathe.” Aaron gasped as Robert’s grip held firm.

“Shh, I know it’s alright, just try not to talk.” Robert muttered while placing Aaron into the back seat of the car as Chas scooted in beside him and took Robert’s place as he got into the driver's seat and speeded out of the village and towards the nearest hospital. 

As soon as they pulled up at the entrance of the hospital, Aaron was whisked away, leaving Robert standing in shock at what had just happened. Hours passed before Robert and Chas received any information on Aaron’s State. It was all happening at breakneck speed and Robert was terrified. Aaron was deteriorating much quicker than any of them thought he would. He’d only been through two chemotherapy sessions and the result of them was so much worse than they were prepared for. Robert was struggling to see a way out that didn’t end with him losing Aaron. 

“What’s taking them so long?” Chas said. Causing Robert to be shaken from his thoughts.

Robert sighed as he ran a hand through his unruly hair. “I can’t take this, I’m gonna find out.”

Before he got to his feet a doctor approached the both of them. “Aaron’s developed an infection due to the chemotherapy weakening his immune system.”

“But it’s under control now?” Chas replied.

“His white blood cell count is extremely low, So we’ll keep Aaron in for observation for a few days and let you know more as soon as we do.” The doctor nodded her head and walked away after telling them Aaron was up to receiving visitors.

Chas was the first to visit her son after Robert told her he needed some air. She wanted to question him on why he seemed to be so distant and scared, but thought against it only really focussed on wanting to see her son.   
Aaron heard the click of the door and opened his eyes to see his mother standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes.

“It’s alright mum you can come in you know.” Aaron uttered as he saw the nerves on his mother’s face.

“Oh love, How are you feeling?” Chas inched closer and pulled up a chair, taking a seat next to her son’s bed and reaching for his hand.

“Feel a bit better than I did.” Aaron’s brows furrowed. “Where’s Robert?”

“He’s just outside, he’ll be in soon.”

Aaron removed his hand from his mum’s embrace and began twiddling his thumbs as he felt Chas’ gaze burn into him. “I don’t want him to feel like he has to look after me, this is not fair on him mum.”

“Aaron.” Chas sat forward and nudged her son so he looked at her. “He loves you. You’d do the same for him. Robert just wants to be there for you son, Just let him do that.”

At Chas’ last words the man himself entered the room to find it in silence. He was relieved to see Aaron sitting up in bed and looking better than he witnessed earlier.

“I’m gonna go get a coffee.” Standing up Chas squeezed her son’s hand. “Do you need anything love?”

Aaron shook his head and Chas made to leave the room to give the two of them some time on their own. 

“Hey, how you feeling?” Robert said as he walked the short distance to Aaron’s side and placed a kiss on his forehead before sitting down on the bed next to him. 

“I’m alright.” Smiling slightly Aaron grabbed Robert’s hand and placed it in his own. 

“You scared me Aaron.”

“Listen Robert." Aaron tried to keep his emotions under control but was failing. "If you need to go I’ll understand.”

“I’m not going anywhere don’t be stupid everything else can wait, there’s nothing more important than you.”

Aaron wanted nothing more than to believe what Robert was saying, but he knew it wasn’t fair on him, It wasn’t fair for Robert to be Aaron’s carer. It wasn’t how things should be, he didn’t want his boyfriend to be stuck with him in the situation he was currently in. 

“Just walk away Robert.” Aaron whispered to the shocked looking older man. 

“I’m not going anywhere I’ve told you that we’re in this together Aaron, I know what you’re doing and it won’t work.”

“You don’t deserve this Robert, I don’t want you to wake up one morning and look at me and feel trapped. Aaron looked away as tears streamed down his face. 

“That’ll never happen.” Robert tilted Aaron’s face to look at him. “I’ll never feel trapped. Never. I love you Aaron and I’m gonna be here with you through all of this, You’ll never get rid of me.” Robert smiled. “So stop thinking like that.” The older man took Aaron’s face in his hands and stroked the skin behind his ear as Aaron leaned into the touch.

Not long after Aaron fell back to sleep and Robert sat watching him. Thinking over their previous conversation the older man understood where Aaron was coming from, He was scared and Robert knew Aaron probably felt like a burden, but for Robert Aaron was anything but, he’d look after him and make sure Aaron knew he was loved. As things progressed, Robert would continue to be there and support Aaron. Their relationship was way too strong to give up now, not after everything it took to get them to where they were. 

Tbc?


	8. Chapter 8

Months had passed by in a blur and they were now in the full swing of winter and Aaron’s last chemotherapy session. A lot had changed for the pair of them in such a short space of time. Aaron was now too ill to hold down a full time job, His time was split between sleeping and his treatment with very little in between. He’d lost most of his hair a while back, causing him to shave the rest of it off and wear a hat, He’d also continued to lose weight and grow weaker by the day, Pushing Robert to make a decision and start working from home to look after Aaron. The young man could see the toll it was taking on Robert more than anything else the older man had constantly been there day in day out while putting everything else second in order to make sure Aaron wasn’t left alone should anything happen. Things were dramatically different for both of them, their routine had changed completely putting Robert in control of the house as well as everything that came with it. He wouldn’t let Aaron lift a finger in helping him, Not that Aaron had much choice in the matter due to his current state. But when Aaron would try Robert wouldn’t have any of it.

Even their family were walking on egg shells around the two of them, everyone was trying to stay strong and as normal as possible, but Aaron just looked at it like he was pitied. His family and friends were looking at him with sympathy in their eyes and as much as Aaron tried to accept it he didn’t want it. He didn’t want the family visits and the chance to gawp at the cancer patient, Aaron just wanted to be left alone with Robert, to get through his illness as peacefully as possible with his boyfriend by his side failing that he at least wanted everyone to let him potentially live his final days as normally as cancer would allow him to. 

After Aaron was admitted to hospital with an infection the doctors decided to start radiotherapy as well as his usual chemo. In the weeks than followed Aaron became increasingly more unwell enough so to be admitted to the hospital a second time with the start of pneumonia. Aaron wasn’t coping well with the side effects of treatment he was one of those unlucky people that had every symptom after each round of therapy which ultimately made him more fragile and had Robert worrying more and more with each day that passed.

Robert’s voice brought Aaron back to reality. They were sitting in the hospital ward while the cancer drugs did their work in pumping through Aaron’s veins. Looking over at Robert the younger man could see he was waiting for an answer to a question Aaron had no idea he even asked. 

“Aaron?” Robert pulled his chair forward and closed the distance between the two of them. “You’re in a world of your own.” 

“I’m just thinking.” He replied.

“That’s never good.” The older man closed the magazine he was reading and reached for Aaron’s free hand. 

“I was just remembering what you promised me last year.” The younger man raised an eyebrow. 

Robert tried for the life of him to remember what Aaron was talking about. 

“Trust you to forget Robert.” Aaron said with a hint of sarcasm. 

Wracking his brains the older man finally remembered something, and immediately knew it would come back to haunt him eventually, It was just surprising to him knowing Aaron he thought it would have been sooner rather than later. 

“Seriously Aaron? You’re holding me to that?”

Aaron nodded. “Yeah, you can’t wriggle out of it mate. I want a dog like you promised.” 

“What about a fish?”

Aaron shook his head. 

“A hamster?” Robert questioned. 

“Robert, you can go through every animal in the world my answer will still be the same.”

For the rest of Aaron’s last chemo session the two of them discussed what having a pet would mean. Robert knew as soon as Aaron said it, he’d eventually get what he wanted. The younger man always had a way of wrapping Robert around his little finger and despite the bad timing of it Robert knew he’d spend the next few days searching for the perfect puppy.

Sitting on the sofa at home Aaron was drifting off in front of the TV while waiting for Robert to return from wherever he went. Pulling the blanket from the back of the sofa Aaron wrapped himself up and snuggled into the cushions just as he heard the front door open and Robert cursing about something or other under his breath. Aaron turned his head to the living room door to see Robert approach with a bundle of fluff securely held in his arms. Aaron leapt forward and stood up as Robert held the puppy at arm’s length waiting for the younger man to take him. 

“Oh my god Robert, I didn’t actually think you’d see it through.” Aaron smiled as he took the puppy from Robert. 

Robert pouted. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” He said feigning annoyance. 

“You picked him yourself?” Aaron gestured to the ball of fluff that was chewing the drawstrings of his hoodie.

“Don’t sound too surprised I did good right?”

Aaron lifted the golden retriever up and turned him around to face him receiving big brown eyes and fluffy golden ears staring back at him. Aaron couldn’t help notice He had a mischievous look about him. Placing the puppy down shortly afterwards the younger man returned to his seat on the sofa suddenly feeling tired.

“You alright?” Robert vocalised when he saw Aaron sit down slightly out of breath.

“Yeah. Who knew picking a puppy up was such hard work.” Aaron chuckled as he clenched his chest.

Robert bypassed their new addition and took a seat next to Aaron. “Just take it easy, you should be resting.”

“I’m fine.” The younger man sighed. “Stop fussing.”

Aaron peered at the 9 week old puppy currently occupying himself by chewing the corner of their rug and smiled to himself. It was good to have a distraction if only for a little while. It’d stop him thinking about the test results they were waiting on. In a week or so Aaron would know if the chemo was working effectively enough to shrink the cancer so he could have the surgery. But until then the new addition to their lives would hopefully keep him busy and not constantly thinking the worst, however hard that might turn out to be.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while i know :/ Trying for ages to get this chapter out so please let me know your thoughts as this was the best i could do.

Robert chased the puppy through the house after he found him chewing one of his favourite shoes up. Aaron sat on the sofa laughing to himself as Robert sprinted from one room to the next trying to keep up with the hectic puppy, but giving up shortly after when Aaron whistled and Max jumped on his lap wagging his tail as Robert stormed towards the two of them. 

“No.” Robert shouted as he grabbed the shoe from Max’s mouth before looking to Aaron and seeing him trying to stifle a laugh.

“He’s a puppy Robert, That’s what they do.” Aaron said, shrugging his shoulders as he tickled behind the puppy’s ears.

“Yeah, always my stuff though. In the last few weeks I’ve lost count of how many shoes and belts of mine, he’s chewed up.” Robert sighed. “It’s never anything of yours Aaron.” 

Aaron shuffled Max to the floor as Robert threw himself down on the sofa next to the younger man.  
“What can I say? We understand each other.”

Robert scrunched his face up. “He’s a dog Aaron.” 

Robert knew the puppy favoured Aaron over himself. Max would often curl up on Aaron’s lap and go to sleep. If Robert was honest the puppy didn’t seem to like him all that much, especially when he was anywhere near Aaron. Max protected Aaron a little too firecly and as sweet as it was it was also pretty annoying being pushed away or growled at by a puppy every time Robert so much as leant in to kiss Aaron. 

A few days later the pair of them sat in the car just outside the village after attending an appointment at the hospital. Aaron wouldn’t look at Robert and Robert was at a loss for words. Instead, Aaron focussed his attention on the rain pelting down against the window. He felt sick mostly because he just threw up on the side of the road, but a part of him knew that wasn’t the reason. It was because nothing had changed. The cancer had hardly reacted to the chemo and radiotherapy at all. It wasn’t what the doctors had expected. Aaron was young and otherwise healthy, but the cancer was holding on tight and He only had left the option of surgery with no guarantee of the outcome. He was still getting sicker by the day and if the surgery didn’t work there wasn’t much left to try. 

“Aaron?” Robert spoke softly, not quite trusting his voice to give away his emotions.

Reaching for the younger man Robert turned Aaron’s head to look at him with both hands placed either side of Aaron’s face.

“I know.” Robert nodded as he saw tears swim in Aaron’s eyes.

“You don’t though.” He whispered before he escaped Robert’s embrace and bolted from the car quicker than Robert could even attempt to stop him. 

Standing outside the rain was only getting heavier as Aaron started walking up the road. He was already shivering and beginning to get breathless. He just wanted to give up and let the cancer take him. He was tired of constantly fighting a losing battle. He stopped to catch his breath and heard Robert’s footsteps coming up from behind him.  
Shrugging his coat off Robert wrapped it around Aaron’s shoulders and rubbed his arms to try and warm the younger man up. Robert was running out of ways to help Aaron. He was angry and frustrated that nothing was working. Aaron didn’t deserve any of it. 

“Come on, I’ve got ya.” Robert said as he directed Aaron back to the car with the younger man leaning against him. 

Before Robert could open the car door Aaron pushed him backwards with a thump. “I don’t need your help Robert. I don’t want it. I don’t want any of it.” Aaron shouted with anger lacing his voice.

Regaining his composure Robert himself began to get angry. “You think you’re the only one going through this Aaron? I’m trying to help you the only way I know how but you keep pushing me away. You think this is easy for me? Watching you get weaker every day? Watching you fade away in front of my eyes? I just wanna be there for you, but you won’t let me.” Robert ran a hand through his hair in defeat. “I can’t take it away from you. I would in a second if I could, but I can’t.” he heard his voice crack but continued anyway. “You don’t want my help Aaron? Well, tough you’ve got it because I’m not going to give up and you’re not either.” 

Aaron shook his head. “What if this operation doesn’t work? There’s nothing left but for them to send me home and die.” 

Robert pushed his rain soaked hair from his forehead before stepping closer and looking into Aaron’s eyes. “You can’t think like that. There’s every chance it will work. What’s the alternative? You not having the surgery and getting sicker anyways? No Aaron you need this operation.”

Aaron nodded at Robert’s words as the older man pulled him closer, resting his head on Robert’s shoulder. “I don’t wanna die Robert.” Aaron whispered as he buried his head in the crook of Robert’s neck.

Biting his lip to stop any tears that threatened to escape Robert replied. “I know and you won’t.” Robert didn’t want to lie to Aaron but in the moment he had no choice. The older man had no idea if Aaron believed his words in all honesty, he was struggling to believe them himself.

“Come on, it’s getting worse out here.” Robert said before he took Aaron’s hand and led them back to the warmth of the car.

Robert turned the heater on and reached for his jumper on the back seat. Passing it to Aaron with a small smile. “You need to get warm.” 

“Thanks.” Aaron muttered quietly.

A chuckle came from Robert. “It’s just a jumper Aaron.” 

“No, thanks for being here I know I’m an idiot and a pain in the arse sometimes, but despite what I say Robert I couldn’t do this without you.” Leaning over Aaron met Robert’s lips in a chaste kiss.

“You won’t have too, I’m here for you Aaron. Always.” Robert stroked the thinning stubble on Aaron’s chin before leaning back and starting the engine to take his boyfriend home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you so much for your kind comments and kudos. :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for the lovely comments and kudos it means so much.

Aaron rolled onto his side and blinked his eyes open suddenly remembering where he was after a second or two of confusion. The room was bare and bleak with a distinct smell of bleach lingering in the air, Aaron hated hospitals, the pain they caused especially the memories only made his hatred for the place stronger. Pulling himself up in bed, he looked around the room to find Robert occupying the chair in the corner sleeping awkwardly. No matter how hard Aaron protested for Robert to go home and get some sleep before his operation, the older man point blank refused, insisting on staying put and that he wouldn’t be anywhere else.

Aaron’s surgery was scheduled for today and he was more than ready to get it over with and find out the results he didn’t want to think too far ahead, but deep down he knew he really had no other choice he had to be prepared for either outcome. That didn’t stop him feeling petrified but he had Robert keeping him calm as he could.

The door to Aaron’s hospital room swung open waking Robert in the process, wiping the sleep from his eyes the older man stood up as the doctor approached Aaron’s bedside. Smiling at Aaron Robert sat on the seat next to him as the doctor acknowledged both of them.“Mr Livesy, how are you feeling this morning?”

Aaron cleared his throat. “I’m ok, I just want it over with.” 

Nodding his head the doctor continued. “Today we’ll attempt to remove the mass on your lung, but until you’re under we won't know the full extent of what we’re dealing with.”

Robert sat forward in his chair and took Aaron’s hand as he looked at the doctor. “But it’s still removable right?” 

The doctor looked at Robert. “Mr?” Robert butted in. “Sugden, Robert Sugden.” 

The doctor smiled. “Mr Sugden we’re aiming to remove the cancer but if that’s not possible we’ll remove as much as possible and see where we go from there, We really won’t know any more until Mr Livesy’s out of surgery.” Aaron thanked the doctor before he left the room.

“I’m gonna go and get a coffee and see if your mum’s here yet.” Standing up Robert placed a kiss on Aaron’s head and left the room. 

Walking into the corridor Robert heard the click of heels coming towards him and knew before she turned the corner it was Chas. When she eyed Robert a small grin lifted the corners of her mouth before asking what room Aaron was in. Pointing her in the right direction Robert carried on walking until he found a vending machine which he turned his nose up at, knowing full well he wouldn’t be getting anything close to his regular Americano from there.

After Chas said goodbye to Aaron an hour later he was ready to go down to theatre with only Robert still waiting with him. When they wheeled Aaron out of the hospital room Robert walked alongside him, squeezing his hand until they came to a halt and the moment Robert had to leave Aaron. 

“I’ll be here when you wake up.” The older man uttered as he leant down to Aaron. 

Aaron nodded. “I love you.” He replied to a teary eyed Robert.

Meeting Aaron’s lips gently Robert whispered. “I love you too.” Before leaning back as Aaron was whisked away. Leaving Robert staring at the now empty corridor.

When he entered the waiting room Robert was surprised to see his sister and Adam sitting alongside Chas. Victoria spotted her brother and immediately rose from her seat to envelope Robert in a hug as Adam stayed seated wanting to give the siblings some space.

“He’s in surgery now.” Robert vocalised as Victoria loosened her grip on him and held her brother at arm’s length.

Victoria could see the fear in her brother’s eyes. “It’ll be alright, you know.”

Robert smiled weakly. “Thanks Vic, I’m glad you’re here.” Smiling at her big brother Victoria removed her grasp from Robert and went back to her seat quietly.

Minutes turned into hours as Robert grew increasingly impatient pacing the floor the older man felt out of his depth he wasn’t in control of this like everything else in his life. “What the hell is taking so long?” Robert said to no one in particular.

“These things take time don’t they.” Adam answered when nobody else seemed to.

Ignoring Adam completely Robert sat down with his head in his hands, rocking slightly back and forth. 

“I’m going to go find out if there's any news I can’t take this.” Chas stood from her seat just as the surgeon entered the waiting room still in his scrubs. Seeking Robert out Chas stood next to him as the doctor spoke.

“The surgery went as well as it could, we removed a section of the lung and the lymph nodes around the area to send off to the lab for further testing. Once the results come back we’ll know more.”

Robert breathed a sigh of relief. “Can I see him?”

The doctor nodded. “He’s in recovery and a bit groggy so just one at a time for now. I’ll take you to Mr Livesy’s room if you follow me.”

Robert looked at Chas for permission to see Aaron first which she answered with a simple nod causing Robert to thank her and follow the doctor out of the room.

Standing outside the door, Robert took a deep breath to calm himself slightly and then entered the room to see a groggy looking Aaron. The younger man was lying quietly with just the sounds of various machines around him cutting through the silence. Aaron looked as well as could be expected, he was pale and drifting in and out of sleep. Sitting on a chair next to the bed Robert watched Aaron closely. He was constantly watching the younger man transform and not in a good way. Aaron was so far from the person Robert used to know before everything happened. His physical appearance had drastically changed over the last month or so. His stubble had since turned into a thinning patchy beard and his hair was completely gone. Aaron’s frame had become slimmer enough so to have most of his clothes hanging off him and the dark rings that surrounded his eyes were deepening with each day that passed. It was terrifying for Robert to witness the man he loved the most drifting away in front of his eyes and he could do nothing to stop it. Aaron’s chances of survival were slimming and fast. If the tests weren't good news Robert had no idea what the future held, all he did know is a future without Aaron was a future he definitely couldn’t see let alone want.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update.  
> This chapter would not work which ever way i tried it!  
> It's proving difficult to write that last few chapters, for me It's challenging writing something like this so I hope I'm doing it at least some justice.
> 
> Once again thank-you for leaving comments and kudos :) It means alot to know this story is being read.

2 weeks had passed by and Aaron was now at home recovering from his operation with Robert fussing over him constantly. In a few days time he'd find out if the surgery was a success, but until then Aaron was trying to push any negative thoughts to the back of his mind and failing spectacularly. It consumed him day In day out, he was scared to know, but at the same time he just wanted to find out his fate. 

Sitting on the sofa with a duvet covering him up Aaron watched Robert approach him before the older man scooted under the duvet with him and reached for Aaron's hand, marking out patterns on his wrist. 

“ I thought if your feeling up to it, we could go for a drink later?” Robert questioned. 

If Aaron was honest, he didn't want to give everyone the opportunity to gawp at him or whisper behind his back, he'd had more than enough of that from his family already and it had started to annoy him. Aaron wasn't one for caring about people's opinions of him, he hadn't been in a long time, but cancer had changed him both physically and emotionally, he still wasn't handling it all that well and throwing other people into the mix was for him just too much to handle right now. 

“Maybe, I'll see how I feel.” The younger man lied, feeling slightly bad for it. 

Robert sensed the lack of interest in Aaron's voice. He understood it of course he did, the younger man had practically hidden himself away in recent months and as much as Robert tried to persuade him otherwise it never worked it only ever ended in an argument and Robert didn't want another one of those not right now anyway. So he just nodded along with Aaron's answer, knowing full well they couldn't carry on this way and that Aaron shutting himself away was something he’d have to fully address sooner rather than later. 

Aaron woke up a few days later with a panic settling in the pit of his stomach. Today was the day. Robert shuffled in his sleep and threw his arm over Aaron’s body, snuggling his head in the crook of Aaron’s neck. It was quiet, the only sounds to be heard were those of Robert’s gentle breathing next to him and Max whimpering every now and again. Standing to his feet slowly after untangling Robert from his body Aaron padded out of the room and closed the door quietly making his way down the stairs one at a time to see an excited Max at the bottom of the stairgate waiting for him. He couldn’t see his life without Max in it anymore, the puppy was a welcome distraction and the best present Aaron had ever received.

Sitting in the doctor’s office a few hours later the pair of them remained silent, only glancing at each other every now and again as reassurance. The doctor entered the room, muttering his greetings with a folder in hand and took a seat behind the desk quietly, after scanning through the files the doctor looked up and Aaron instantly knew he wasn’t getting the news he wanted.

“Mr Livesy, we received your test results back from the lab.”

Aaron gulped hard before Robert grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. 

“It’s not good news I’m afraid, the cancer has spread to your lymph nodes.” 

“What does that mean? It’s still treatable though?” Robert questioned abruptly when Aaron remained silent.

Shaking his head the doctor replied. “I’m sorry there’s nothing more we can do. The cancer’s become too aggressive for any further treatment.”

Tears streamed down the older man’s face as Aaron sat there in disbelief. “There’s gotta be something you can do. Can’t you start chemo again?” Robert questioned while wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve.

“Mr Sugden, the cancers terminal, chemotherapy, although very common in the last stages of illness won’t cure the cancer.”

Aaron could hear the conversation happening in the distance they were talking like he wasn’t even in the room when all he could really think about was leaving Robert without him, he was dying and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. Aaron didn’t cry, he didn’t scream and shout or break down, he just asked one question with a blank expression on his face. “How long?”

The doctor skirted around Aaron’s question not wanting to give him an answer, but when the younger man’s voice rose and he slammed his clenched fists down on the desk the doctor finally gave him what he was after. “Each patient is different, In your case it won’t be long, six months at best. I’m sorry, Mr Livesy, I’ll leave the two of you alone for a few minutes.” Standing up the doctor left the room hurriedly. 

As soon as the door closed Robert kicked his chair back and screamed into his hands, causing Aaron to grab hold of him to try and calm him down. Aaron placed his hands either side of Robert’s face and forced the older man to look at him. “It’s alright.” Aaron said, rubbing circles behind Robert’s ears. Confused himself as to why he was still so calm. 

“How?” Robert shrugged his shoulders. “How is this alright? Why are you so calm Aaron?”

An hour later, Aaron sat at the kitchen table watching Robert make them a coffee, they were both mute since leaving the hospital, for Aaron it wasn’t a complete surprise to hear he was dying it was almost like he accepted It before walking into the doctor's office. In the last hour or so it seemed like Aaron had taken Robert’s role of remaining calm and to some extent in control. Robert lashed out and then closed down, he was currently so quiet it was starting to scare Aaron.

Placing the mug in front Of Aaron Robert took a seat next to him and lost himself in the dark steaming liquid of his own coffee. He felt Aaron’’s fingers brush against his lightly before entangling their hands together. Robert didn’t know what he was feeling he knew he was angry that much was obvious, but apart from that he felt lost and confused at how well Aaron was taking everything. Both of their lives had just been ripped apart, Aaron was going to die sooner rather than later he was going to leave Robert on his own. That thought tore Robert in two, the realisation that Aaron wouldn’t be around hit him like a punch in the stomach. 

“Robert?” Aaron muttered when the silence between them become unbearable. 

“Yeah?” the older man replied shortly. 

Sitting at the table Robert lowered his head as tears threatened to once again escape. “How can you be like this?” he whispered barely. 

Shrugging his shoulders Aaron replied. “I don’t know I guess somewhere deep down I already knew. Doesn’t mean I'm prepared for it though Robert.” 

Robert took Aaron’s hand tighter in his own and looked into his boyfriends eyes. “I’m so sorry, If I could swap places with you Aaron I would in a second.”

Aaron pushed from his seat slowly and knelt down next to Robert still holding onto his hand tightly. “I know you would, I love you Robert, always remember that.” Aaron nodded as he felt emotion start bubbling to the surface.

Robert helped Aaron up from his kneeling position and threw his arms around the younger man firmly, burying his head in Aaron’s neck while Aaron clung on fiercely. Hearing Robert’s sobs as he squeezed Aaron the younger man finally broke down in Robert’s arms, only staying upright because of the older man’s grip. The hold they had on each other was so strong Aaron couldn’t escape if he wanted too, Robert’s arms were holding on for dear life as Aaron stood there letting him cry. Aaron felt at ease in Robert’s embrace, he wasn’t ready to leave Robert without him, but somewhere deep down he’d already accepted his fate. All Aaron wanted now was to make his final days count with Robert by his side. 

After a few minutes Robert’s grip loosened and he pulled back slightly holding Aaron at arm’s length before he had the chance to speak though Aaron beat him to it. 

“Marry me?” Aaron blurted out as he searched Robert’s eyes for a reaction. 

Robert stood wide eyed at Aaron’s words. He knew his answer straight away, Illness or not Robert’s response would always be the same. “Course I will.” He nodded before crashing his lips against Aaron’s. Robert knew they no longer had forever and that Aaron’s days were numbered, but they had the here and now and that’s all Robert would allow himself to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i never planned on killing Aaron off but as the story progressed i couldn't see or seem to be able to write it any other way. It goes down hill pretty fast from the next chapter. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been months! Finally able to write something! 
> 
> I know its been a long time, but I really want to try and get this finished. This hasn't been easy to think about or write and I know I've probably lost some readers on this but I'll finish what I started. 
> 
> Thank-you for leaving comments and kudos I really appreciate it, especially on this fic. 
> 
> Please heed the warning and tags.

Aaron sat closely with Robert on the sofa, the older man gently squeezed his hand and watched as the room fell silent and shocked faces soon turned to sadness. It took Aaron barely minutes to delivering the hardest news of his life. His mother wide eyed and pale as the word “terminal” left his mouth. The furious shaking of her head before she completely broke down and fell to the ground in tears was Aaron’s undoing, he couldn’t stand to see her in that much pain over something none of them could no longer control. Everyone was now mute as Aaron’s words sank in, Adam was silently crying while hugging a distraught Victoria, Paddy was on the edge of his seat, head in his hands while Cain and the rest of the Dingle’s stood awkwardly staring at nothing in particular trying to come to terms with the fact that Aaron wouldn’t be getting any better. 

Chas’ wobbly voice pierced the ever growing silence. “We need to get a second opinion.” Moving from her current position she walked towards her son and knelt down in front of him taking his free hand in hers. 

Aaron shook his head lightly as he heard Robert gulp hard and tighten his grip before refocussing his attention to his mother. “Mum, there’s nothing they can do.” 

“Love please you can’t just give up.” She barely whispered. Devastation clear on her face. 

Robert tried to block her words out and the look of pure heartbreak on her face. It was too much to handle for him so knowing what Chas must be feeling made a lump form in his throat. Tears pricked his eyes as Aaron leant forward and took his mum in his arms. She sobbed on his shoulder and as much as Aaron tried to remain strong he finally broke and cried in his mother’s arms, tears of fear streamed down his face as the rest of them looked on helplessly. Robert brushed a hand up and down Aaron’s back just to let him know he was there. Other than that he stayed quiet and allowed the love of his life to cry. 

Hours later Aaron curled up exhaustedly on the sofa with Robert by his side. Neither of them had spoken more than a handful of words, since everyone had left. Max was lying protectively on the floor next to Aaron and snoring lightly while thoughts ran a hundred miles an hour through Robert’s mind of how cruel life could be and what was to come for the pair of them in the near future. 

“Robert?” Aaron mumbled.

Shaking his head of his thoughts, he replied. “Hmm?” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Robert frowned. “What have you got to be sorry for?” 

Aaron gulped and sat up slowly so he was facing his boyfriend. “That I have to leave you.” A tear escaped his eye and Aaron made quick work of wiping it away. 

Robert wanted to bawl, he wanted to scream at the universe for how unfair life is. Aaron’s words broke him, he knew within seconds the tears would start falling and he wouldn’t be able to stop them. He was trying to stay strong, hold himself together the best he could for Aaron but inside he was falling apart, his heart was physically breaking, the pain would only get worse the sicker Aaron got and Robert wanted nothing more than to take his place. He didn’t deserve this fate he’d been given, Aaron only ever tried to help people, be a shoulder to cry on. His life had never been easy, but he overcame the pain and memories and started again, to be beaten by cancer wasn’t the way Aaron was supposed to go, He was meant to grow old with Robert by his side and slip away peacefully of old age. Life seemed to have a different plan for him and it just wasn’t fair.

Taking Aaron’s hand in his own Robert pulled him closer. “Hey, never be sorry for that. I don’t wanna hear it. You don’t need to be sorry for leaving me. I’m the one that’s sorry Aaron. I wanna take it away from you, make you better and I can’t.” Robert blinked through the tears and blew out a shaky breath.

“I just wish we had forever.”

Robert couldn’t control his feelings any longer he lost it and let it out, He cried with his boyfriend. Holding on tightly to each other they let their feelings be known, Robert’s head on Aaron’s shoulder as the room filled with chocked sobs and declarations of love for now and forever. 

The crying eased and the silence once again took over. Emotionally and physically drained from the day Robert helped Aaron up the stairs and undressed him slowly before laying him on the bed and sliding in behind him. There was nothing sexual on either of their minds, it was actually the last thing Robert thought about, He just wanted Aaron in his arms while he still could, wanted to feel the warmth from his boyfriend's body and feel the scratch of his newly growing beard which since treatment ended had started to come in again. 

Aaron turned over and gripped onto Robert’s hand while staring into his eyes. The glow of the moon created enough light to make out his features in the dark. He felt tired and emotional his eyes wanted nothing more than to close and let sleep take over for the night, but looking at Robert would now only ever be a temporary thing, he didn’t know how long he had to just stare at the beauty in front of him, to admire the curve of his smile or the scattering of freckles that adorned his nose. Aaron didn’t know how long he had left to peer into those blue-green eyes that took his breath away, he wanted to tattoo the image in his brain and take it with him once he’d gone. He wanted forever to learn every little detail about Robert he just no longer had that option.

Robert smiled slightly and shuffled even closer to Aaron kissing his temple. “Go to sleep.” He whispered against his boyfriend’s lips. 

Aaron nodded, but stayed awake long into the night just admiring the image beside him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It cannot have been more than a year since i updated this :/ but apparently it has. I haven't been able to write as much or as often as i would of liked to, but this one keeps popping into my head and i now finally know where I'm going with it. Although many would have given up on an update or stopped reading (I don't blame you.) I still feel the need to finish what i started. 
> 
> I won't abandon this and not update for another year, I want to wrap this up in the next couple of months so regular updates from now on. 
> 
> Thank you to anyone who read this far and took the time to leave comments and kudos :) It really means a lot. 
> 
> Once again please heed the warnings and tags especially from this chapter onwards.

Aaron sat at the kitchen table pen in hand and wrapped in a blanket Robert insisted he keep himself warm with. After a lot of fuss (mostly on Robert's part) his boyfriend finally left the house to attend a work meeting he'd repeatedly pushed back. Aaron was glad for the silence that surrounded him, not that he didn't love having Robert close by he just wanted to keep things as normal as possible, keep their daily routine (well at least Robert's) as close to normal as he could. He was also thankful that Robert wasn't in the house while he started the task of writing the hardest letters of his life. 

Robert knew nothing of what Aaron was up to if he did then it sure as hell wouldn't be happening, Robert refused or at least tried to even let his mind go there, to a time where Aaron wasn't with him anymore, yeah, he'd had thoughts on life without his boyfriend, but he shut them down as soon as mentally possible, he wasn't ready to completely face reality, but they were running out of time. 

Aaron wanted everything in order before he got even sicker. The first letter he was working on being more of a list to his boyfriend, the do's and dont's, a what to do list. How to work the washing machine and to never mix colors, what color bin goes out on what day, what to do with Max when it thunders, the type of things that Robert would need to know once he'd gone.

The shaking of his hand forced Aaron to relentlessly drop the pen, he'd hardly started and he already needed to stop, whether it's the emotion of what he was doing or his body slowly giving up on him, he didn't quite know he was cold and tired his bones were aching and every time he coughed it felt like his lungs were on fire, but he needed to struggle through it was hard enough having to do it in the first place Aaron knew he needed it done sooner rather than later.

The house was eerily quiet, even Max wasn't fussing around his feet or off in the garden burying one of Robert's shoes he was lying by Aaron's chair with his puppy dog eyes just staring at his owner. Pushing the chair back Aaron stood slowly on shaky legs suddenly needing to feel the fresh air on his face. He wrapped the blanket tighter around his slimming frame and walked the short distance to the back garden Max trudging closely behind, pocketing the letters in the process to carry on with later. The cool breeze swept upon his face as he breathed in deeply. 

Lowering himself onto a patio chair Aaron sat back and clung to the blanket for warmth, gripping the material in each hand. It wasn't the coldest of days, but given the fact his body was deteriorating at an alarming pace the warmth was definitely appreciated. The sky was clear and the view of the rolling hills in the distance was a sight for sore eyes, the picturesque scene looked like it belonged on a postcard, he'd truly miss seeing that site on a daily basis. He almost wished he took the time to have appreciated it more, the clean fresh air and the stunning silence that only a small village provided. He was beginning to realise life rolled by way too quickly. He always thought he'd have time to do the things he wanted to do, see the places he wanted to see, it angered him to know he wouldn't make it to Vegas, or see Robert's next birthday, he wouldn't watch Leo grow into a man or see his Mum finally find someone she loved. He won't be there to pick Robert up when he falls apart, see Adam and Vic have their own child, he'll be just a memory, albeit a truly loved memory, but still the mere thought of it hurt. 

Retrieving the letter from his pocket Aaron took a deep breath and continued with his dreaded task, there was a lot to get through and not much time to do it in, he didn't know if he had days, weeks or even months left with Robert and that just made it all the more heartbreaking to think that the next time he closed his eyes he may not open them again. Tapping his pen on the paper caught Max's attention, the wagging of his tail along with the nudge to Aaron's arm pulled him from his thoughts.

"Good boy." Patting the soft tufts of fur Aaron praised him. Max was slowly turning into something of a bodyguard to his owner, he'd always lay by his feet or squeeze In between Robert and him on the sofa, Aaron would often wake up in the morning to find Max snoring softly on the floor next to his side of the bed. Robert didn't find it amusing, quite like Aaron did, but so far he'd put up with it. 

He'd reached at least half way through his first letter when Robert appeared at the patio door with a frown on his face. Before Robert had a chance to clock what he was up to Aaron pocketed the letter and busied his hands with the blanket still wrapped snugly around him. 

"What you doing out here?" Robert mumbled, leaning his head against the frame of the door, arms crossed, while staring at Aaron. 

The younger man rose slowly and padded towards his boyfriend, the tapping of Max' s paws the only indication he was following. "Just wanted some fresh air." Stopping in front of the older man Aaron leaned in for a kiss which Robert happily accepted. 

"Let's go inside, it's getting cold out here." Wrapping an arm around Aaron's waist Robert ushered him inside and led him towards the sofa. Shrugging his jacket off before sinking down into the cushion next to him. 

The quiet bled into the evening as the two of them snuggled up on the sofa together, hands still held tightly, with Aaron now lying on Roberts chest, he heard the gentle sound of Aaron's breathing levelling out as he fell into a light sleep. The position of their embrace which now bordered on uncomfortable for Robert didn't faze him, he stayed in the same spot with Aaron in his arms and eyes watering with un shed tears. He watched the younger mans chest rise and fall for what felt like hours or at least until he felt his eyes grow heavy, the last thing he did before sleep took over was hold Aaron that little bit tighter, place a kiss on his head and wished (not for the first time) that the awfully cruel and heartbreaking nightmare they were living in wasn't a reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The remaining chapters are a harder read for anyone who doesn't like where I've taken this so far. By now It's pretty obvious It's only gonna get worse, So please, please if you don't like the direction I'm taking this in don't continue reading onwards.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank-You for reading. :)  
> Find me on Tumblr: Missme033.tumblr.com


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